Know Your Worth: Why You Don’t Have to Settle for Bum Behavior
Have you ever dated someone and realized, no matter how hard you try or how long you stick it out, they’re just a bum? At first, it’s a hard pill to swallow—this person can’t step up in the way you’d hoped. But here’s the truth: you can’t mold people to meet your expectations. Whether it’s in dating, friendships, professional relationships, or even family dynamics, sometimes you just have to accept people for who they are and move on accordingly.
I was talking to my therapist the other day, sharing some of my past dating experiences. I kept bringing up old patterns, and she said something that shifted my whole perspective: “Dating in your 30s is not the same as dating in your 20s.” And that’s 100% true. Think about it—just like the jobs you had in your 20s aren’t the same as the ones you’re aiming for now, your dating standards should evolve too. You’ve gained experience, wisdom, and self-awareness. It’s time to choose better. That moment helped me let go of the remnants of my 20s dating mindset and realize that as women, we are allowed—and encouraged—to make better choices. But that starts with knowing ourselves first.
Looking back, before I dated what I now call “Bum Behavior,” I didn’t really know myself as a dater. I accepted way more than I should have, simply because I didn’t know better. There were things I tolerated then that I would never accept today. But back then, I didn’t recognize those red flags as signs to move on. Why settle for someone who’s not aligned with your needs just to have a man?
Let’s talk about Love After Lockup for a second. Years ago, I could watch that show with no emotional attachment, just pure entertainment. Now? I’m yelling at the screen, urging these women to wake up! You don’t have to settle for the simple fact of having a man, whether they’re in prison or not. The bar is in hell, and I want women to aim higher. If you haven’t found your person yet, it’s okay to want more. You’ve grown, and you don’t have to accept whatever comes your way.
And don’t get caught up in the small gestures, like a man paying for your gas at a station. It’s a nice gesture, sure, but it doesn’t mean you owe him anything, especially not your number or your time. If he’s trying to make you feel guilty for not reciprocating, that’s a red flag. Real connections aren’t transactional, and if he’s trying to pressure you, he’s not accepting you for who you are. That’s on him, not you.
So, on that note, here’s my message to you: live for you, not a potential boo. Know your worth, choose better, and never settle for anything less than what you deserve.
Here’s what keeps me inspired these days.
- Solo traveling with Tracy Ellis Ross
- Lizzo- Still Can’t Fuh ( Feat Doja Cat)
- Readings by Eckart Tolle
- Sex and The City Season 3